You to the End Page 2

  ‘Yes,’ I said eventually. ‘I remember. You arrived looking all gorgeous and I was dreading walking into the block with you!’

  ‘You were looking gorgeous too,’ Lola protested. ‘You looked stunning that day. Really you did. And I wasn’t the only one who thought so’.

  ‘Yeah right,’ I snorted sarcastically. ‘As I remember, you walked in and about three men went straight up to you. I was practically pushed out of the way! In fact…’ I continued, remembering more now. ‘In fact, when I looked for you later that day, not only did you have more men surrounding you, but Danny was there as well! Oh my… I cannot believe I forgot that!’ I shrieked. ‘He was chatting you up! I forgot! Eugh, he liked you first!’

  ‘Shut up,’ said Lola, firmly putting her hand over my mouth to stop me from yelling. ‘That’s not what happened. You’re forgetting one vital part of the story. Danny tried to talk to you and you blanked him’.

  I shook my head vehemently. ‘No, no, no, he did not. He was too busy talking to you obviously!’

  Lola grabbed me impatiently by the arm and pulled me into the large white kitchen. She sat me down on the pine kitchen table and gave me a sharp slap across my arm.

  ‘Owww,’ I cried, shocked. ‘What’d you do that for?’ I rubbed my arm, hurt.

  ‘I’m hoping a change of scenery and a sharp shock will jog your awful memory. Now think! Think back to the first hour, where you had that introductory meeting? Remember? Think…’ Lola pleaded.

  I thought about what she was saying. Yeah, I remembered the meeting but Danny definitely wasn’t there. Or was he? I screwed up my face in concentration, thinking furiously. I had been split from Lola and had to go to the other side of the block. I had walked in feeling pretty nervous, but quickly spotted some others that I knew and sat down with them. I remember thinking there were lots of people I didn’t know there – but not Danny. I would have remembered seeing Danny.

  ‘Nooo,’ I moaned impatiently. ‘I don’t remember seeing Danny there at all! I think you’re just making it up’.

  ‘I am not making it up Sharn. Listen to me carefully.’ Lola said each word carefully, like she was talking to a small child. ‘Danny was not a player. The only reason he ended up dating all those other girls before you, is because you blanked him when he tried to ask you out. That’s why he got so mad at your birthday party when you were horrible to him – again.’

  I shook my head again in disbelief. ‘That is not true Lola! I would have remembered! How do you know anyway? If I don’t remember, how do you know?’

  ‘Danny told me,’ Lola said simply.

  ‘Danny told you?’ I asked incredulously.

  ‘Yep. You don’t know everything about Danny you know.’ Lola said smugly.

  ‘I don’t understand!’ I wailed, completely confused as to what was going on.

  ‘Ok, I’ll explain,’ Lola said with a sigh. ‘Sit back down in the living room though. This might take a while’.

  Whilst we made ourselves comfortable on the sofa again, my mind raced, trying in vain to think if Lola was right. She couldn’t be – I would have remembered.

  ‘Well’, Lola began. ‘He chatted to me during the time you were ignoring him. He told me that after the meeting, he tried to ask you out and you blanked him.’ She saw me about to talk. ‘And before you say it didn’t happen, it did! He said that you looked lovely and would you like to go to the cinema one evening. You said… nothing. Absolutely nothing! You brushed past him and continued to ignore him until your New Year’s Eve party. So he came straight to me to ask what your story was. When I told him that you were usually a lovely person, and didn’t have a boyfriend, he said that he’d try again the next day. He just said that he thought you looked really cool, like someone he’d really get on with. That’s why he was talking to me. Not that you gave him a chance, being the judgmental person you are’.

  I sat back in the chair feeling bemused. A sudden flashback came to me.

  ‘Oh my God!’ I screamed, jumping up and waving my hands around wildly. ‘I know what you’re on about now! But that’s not what I thought happened!’ I shook my head completely shocked that I hadn’t remembered this part of the story. ‘I thought he was asking out Shelly – she was standing next to me at the time and that’s partly why I was so mad at him for next few months! She was so skinny and blond and I just thought it was typical! A good looking bloke overlooking me again, in favour of complete beauty like Shelly.’ I sat back down, exhausted suddenly. ‘He was asking me out? I can’t believe it.’

  Lola shook her head despairingly. ‘I know that you think you’re not pretty Sharn, but you bloody are! And yes, Danny was asking YOU out, not Shelly. You ignored him. And did so for the next however many months. He was actually quite upset at the way you treated him. He kept telling me that he didn’t understand what he had done. I kept telling him that I didn’t understand either! He really liked you Sharn. So? Do you see how you see everything badly? Especially back then with Danny!’

  ‘Well… maybe…’ I said grudgingly.

  ‘Maybe? There’s no maybe about it! Do you need more proof? I mean look at the way you treated him at your eighteenth birthday party!’

  ‘How would you know? I retaliated sharply. ‘You were too busy sneaking around with a certain someone!’

  ‘Yeah’ said Lola sheepishly. ‘But you tell me everything… ‘

  May 1999 - 18 years old

  ‘Lola! Lola you annoying cow! Lola!!!’

  Typical really. It was my birthday party, yet here I was screaming for Lola. As per usual. My birthday party and I couldn’t even enjoy it. I had spent a lot of time and effort on this party. I wore this amazing red top that emphasised my cleavage and spent a fortune on some bootleg dark blue jeans that toned down the largeness of my hips! But was anyone there to appreciate it? Nope! Of course not. In fact, this was the first party I had ever held – and it was turning into quite a success. The music was blaring – at the moment MC Hammer’s ‘You can’t touch this’ was ensuring people were getting up and dancing. Obviously, the alcohol helped as well, but in spite of my distress at Lola’s disappearance, the party was going well.

  ‘Lola! Lola!’

  Lola was always getting herself into trouble! She told me to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid, yet here she was, undoubtedly doing something stupid. And here I was trying to make sure she wasn’t doing anything stupid.

  ‘But how can I make sure you’re not doing something stupid if I can’t find you?’ I screamed in frustration.

  ‘Woah, Sharn, would you shut up? You’re killing my ear drums’.

  I whirled around in anger. Yep, I knew it – it was that annoying Daniel Howther - the boy I had instantly disliked the moment I had set eyes on him in Sixth Form. Maybe it had something to do with the fact he had dated every blonde bimbo in Sixth Form. I started to bristle just looking at his smug face. He did have a handsome face actually. Brown eyes, wavy light brown hair, full lips and a perfectly chiselled nose and chin – but boy did he know it! Just looking at him made me angry.

  ‘And what business is it of yours?’ I snarled (I think perhaps I was slightly drunk at this point but I would never admit that to anyone. In my mind, at the time, I was being perfectly rational).

  ‘Well I do plan on listening to music at some point in my life. I can’t exactly become a music producer if I’m deaf now, can I?’

  ‘I’m not that loud’ I muttered. I kicked a beer can out of my way. My parents were going kill me when they got back. The deal was that I could have a party if I made sure we were all responsible with the drink and cleaned up afterwards. Hmmm. I don’t think either was about to happen. Especially as I could see the party was going to the ‘couple’s part’ of the evening. You know, where people started pairing off to do something really stupid. Alcohol flowing through the veins, the lights down low – you don’t even have to think about who you’re with – which was why I was so worried about Lola!

  ‘I need to find Lola. Now you can either get out of my way or you can help. Your choice.’

  I knew that there was no way Danny would help. He knew I didn’t like him very much although he perhaps didn’t know why! In addition to the blonde bimbos, he had strutted into the sixth form like he owned it – and he became the most popular guy there instantly! I couldn’t believe it! The whole place just bowed to him like he was some kind of king. I wasn’t jealous – I mean I wasn’t exactly unpopular myself – I just didn’t understand why and how he became so popular! So when he introduced himself let’s just say I wasn’t entirely receptive. Still, the boy loved himself enough so I’m sure me not liking him didn’t have much effect.

  ‘Yeah, ok, I’ll help. My girlfriend’s gone home anyway so I may as well help you.’

  I made a sound of disgust and began to stomp upstairs. Danny followed behind. ‘So why we looking for her anyway? She’s old enough to look after herself isn’t she?’

  ‘If you knew anything about Lola and her life, you wouldn’t say that. And as you don’t, how about you shut up and look. Looking doesn’t require talking you know so just shut up.’

  I didn’t know why I was being so horrible to him by the way. I wasn’t normally that bad – I blamed it on the alcohol I wasn’t used to.

  Danny grabbed my arm. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I growled. ‘Get your bloody hands off me!’

  ‘Why don’t you like me?’ he asked, clearly frustrated and exasperated.

  Danny continued to hold my arm, refusing to let me go. His brown eyes glowered with an anger I didn’t realise I could evoke within him. He stared into my eyes, seemingly searching for something. He abruptly let my arm go and stalked back down the stairs and out of the door.

  I shook my head in bewilderment. I
didn’t have time to think about that now, I had to find Lola. Yes she was old enough to look after herself, and yes I did feel like her mother looking after her, but there were circumstances involved here. She had just broken up with Mike. Mike had been her first boyfriend – and they had shared an intense relationship for the last four months. I had had a few boyfriends myself but never with that intensity. I had slept with only one of them – and even that had only lasted a couple of months. However, Rich had broken up with Lola only a week ago saying that they were too different. This, in my eyes, meant that he had met someone else. Lola had been acting crazy ever since! She’d got drunk twice already, kissed three strange men on Thursday night and now, two days later she’d gone missing for the last hour. I had a bad feeling about this.

  I spent the next twenty minutes looking for her. Then it occurred to me that there was one place I hadn’t looked. One place where I hadn’t even thought of looking. One place where if she was there, it was a very bad thing indeed.

  Toby’s room.

  He’d told me to keep out. He said under no circumstances was I to go in. He wanted nothing to do with my party but my parents had insisted that he at least stayed in the house. This, under normal circumstances, was fine with me. But now I started to feel very panicky.

  I walked slowly towards his room, muttering to myself all the way.

  ‘Please don’t be there, please don’t be there, please don’t be there, please, please, please…’ I opened the door, dreading what I would find there.

  What I saw surprised and scared me slightly. Lola was there – but she was sleeping peacefully in his bed, her blonde hair strewn all over the pillows. She was lying on her back, wearing that amazing gold dress that made her look like a supermodel. She had no make-up on which for Lola, was an absolute miracle. She looked so… complete. Like she was calm and happy and peaceful. I had never seen her like before. Normally she was fidgeting – even in her sleep. What made it even more surprising was that Toby was there too. Stroking her hair. Just staring at her upturned face as she slept. I felt like I was intruding upon something really personal. I crept slowly out without Toby knowing I was even there.

  The next day I waited impatiently for Lola to tell me what had happened. Lola would never be able to keep this sort of news to herself. To my surprise it wasn’t until after a week later that Lola called saying that she had to see me urgently. As she walked into the house, she pulled me straight into the living room.

  ‘Hello Lola love,’ my mum called warmly from the kitchen. ‘Do you want anything to eat?’

  ‘No thanks Mrs Wilson,’ Lola called back. Turning back to me quickly she hissed ‘Is Toby in?’

  I pretended to mull over this question, enjoying the uncomfortable look on her face.

  ‘No, I don’t think so. I think he went to the skate park. Why?' I asked innocently.

  ‘I have something to tell you’. Lola was pacing around the room nervously at this point. I wanted to laugh out loud at her face. I obviously knew what she wanted to tell me and it was probably mean of me to pretend that I didn’t know but if I was honest, a part of me was upset that something that huge had happened in her life and it had taken over a week for her to tell me.

  ‘You’re not going to like this Sharn. In fact, this could mean the end of our friendship but I can’t keep this to myself anymore, it’s killing me inside Sharn!’

  I marvelled at her dramatics. She should really be an actress I thought to myself.

  ‘Sit down’. Lola pulled me down beside her on the sofa. ‘I did something at your party. I’m not proud of it, but I can’t say I’m sad that it happened.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I slept with Toby’. She waited for her words to take effect.

  ‘What?!’ I cried, trying to equal her dramatics. ‘How could you?? How could you do this to me? You’re supposed to be my best friend? I hate you! I hate you forever!’ I took a deep breath. ‘And by the way’ I shouted. ‘I knew that a week ago!’

  And I started giggling. Lola looked so shocked. I laughed even more.

  ‘What? How did you know? How could you let me go through that if you already knew?’ Lola was getting angry now.

  ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ I said hastily. ‘It’s just that you were keeping it from me and I knew about it and I knew that you were going to tell about it today and I just couldn’t resist making you feel bad! After all, I’m your best friend and you didn’t even tell me!’

  I sat back down feeling very indignant. Lola tilted her head to one side and looked at me curiously.

  ‘Hmmm. So how did you know may I ask? Because I know I didn’t tell anyone and I very much doubt that Toby would tell anyone about it’.

  I coughed nervously. I thought to myself quickly. Should I tell her what I saw? Although knowing Lola she’ll read way too much into it all. So what should I do?

  ‘I just knew Lola!’ I laughed loudly. ‘You’re my best friend and I knew when I couldn’t find you or Toby at my party, something had happened. I know everything, you know!’ I desperately hoped she believed me.

  Lola kept looking at me and then shrugged her shoulders.

  ‘Fine’, she said. Then she looked at me excitedly. ‘So what do you think? Do you think that Toby really likes me? I think that he’ll ask me out soon – I told you we were meant to be together!’

  I looked at her sadly. After all these years, she still didn’t know what Toby was like. I didn’t know what to say to her. I didn’t want to be the one to break her heart. I hated Toby for putting me this position. I was going to wring his neck the next time I saw him.

  ‘Lol. Please don’t read too much into this. Toby’s not really a one-woman guy – you know that. Please don’t hang onto this too much. I don’t think that anything will come out of it’.

  Lola just smiled to herself. ‘We shared something Sharn. I felt something when I was with him and I know he did as well. It’ll happen I promise’.

  Two weeks later Toby jetted off to the Czech Republic without a word to Lola – breaking her heart in the process.

  New Year 1999 – almost the year 2000!

  ‘Lola!’ Lola! Where are you?’

  Yep, you’ve guessed it. Another party at my house. Another fortune spent on trying to look glamorous (this time a bright green top and a bright blue cord skirt). Another party where I’m looking for Lola. Typical.

  ‘Hey there, do you do some help?’

  Looking around, I saw it was Danny speaking to me. What’s weird is that I hadn’t spoken to Danny since my birthday party back in May. He had avoided me like I had the measles since then and I couldn’t remember much of what went on that evening, so we hadn’t spoken at all. This made it weird that he was asking if I needed help.

  ‘Ummm, yeah,’ I said hesitantly. ‘That would be good actually’.

  I had grown up a bit over the past few months and decided that I would give Danny a chance. After all, Lola was always going on about what a good guy he was.

  ‘Thanks for offering. I’m always losing her.’

  We walked together, heading towards the kitchen.

  ‘So why are you helping to me?’ I asked curiously. Danny looked at me a bit strangely.

  ‘Huh?’ He asked. ‘The question should be, why are you letting me? Shouldn’t you be tossing your hair and snarling at me?’